“The wrong words said at the wrong time discourage me.
The wrong words said at the right time frustrate me.
The right words said at the wrong time confuse me.
The right words said at the right time encourage me.”

- John C. Maxwell

Think about these words for a few minutes. Think about the times when a few well chosen words, spoken at just the right moment, helped you to …

• gain the strength and confidence you needed to accomplish more than you thought possible.
• take comfort in the love and care of your friends and family to help you recover from a setback or loss.
• gather the courage to make a major change in your career.

Yes, words have incredible power. And they gain even more power when the right words are said at the right time. And to the right person.

But the wrong words, said at the wrong time… they can be devastating. They can …

• damage your self-confidence.
• dampen your enthusiasm.
• deter you from moving forward in your job or your career … or your life.

The wrong words, said at the wrong time … Why would anyone choose to utter the wrong words - regardless of the time?

You wouldn’t choose to … unless you were malicious, vindictive or intent on inflicting pain. The operative word is choose.

It is your choice. Do you want to lift people up or put them down? Do you want to prepare your word choices - in advance? Or are you content to just say something - and hope for the best?

Think about what you are going to say - long before you ever have the opportunity to say it. Choose your words carefully. Practice saying them - aloud. Practice saying them over and over again - until you have internalized them. So that your words are sincere. So that the words are yours. So that how you speak the right words at the right time makes an impact - on the right person.

Not sure about which words are the right words? Just think about the words that people say to you. How do they make you feel? Be honest with yourself. Which words and phrases lift you up? And why do they do that?

Now, think about those words and phrases that deflate you. Why did they do that? How did they make you feel? What word choices could have been substituted? How would those word choices have made you feel better? Why?

Are you are taking the time to choose your words carefully? If not, why not? Think about the difference a word can make the next time that you deliver a employee performance evaluation. Better still, reflect upon the words your boss used when he or she last reviewed your performance. How did you react? Why? What would you have preferred them to say?

Choice words. Choose yours correctly. You always have a choice. Words do make a difference - over time!

Please take a few minutes to share your experiences with words and phrases. Which words motivated you? Tell us about those words said at the right time. Enter your comments in the space below. Thank you!

What does your handshake say about you? How do your clients and colleagues react to your handshake? Do you give your colleague the same handshake that you extend to a new client? If not, why not? How do you react when someone gives you a “dead fish” handshake? Cold and clammy, I’ll bet!

Want to know more about the “dos and don’ts” of handshaking? Click here to view a slide show of handshaking examples - good and bad -  on the Business Week Magazine website.

How many times a day do you shake a person’s hand? So many times that you probably don’t even think about it.

But you should think about it. Not about the number. You need to examine how your personal handshaking style. You need to be sure that you convey a positive message when you “speak” with your handshake.

Here is why:

“New research by University of Iowa business professor Greg Stewart confirms that a firm, solid handshake is an important part of a successful job interview, while a dead fish can end the interview before it even begins.

More important, in fact, than dress or physical appearance, the handshake seems to be a trigger that sets off an interviewer’s overall impression of a person.”

I encourage you to look at the handshaking examples in the Business Week slide show. Here are a few tips:

• Both men and women should be proactive - don’t wait for someone to shake your hand. Extend your hand first.
• Ensure that your handshake is firm - not strong - and that you make full-palm contact. The web of your hand touches the web of the other person’s hand.
• Always make eye contact with the other person when you are shaking hands. This means that you must stand up to greet the other person when you shake hands.
• Smile when you shake hands.
• Always keep your right hand available to shake hands.
• Be aware of “personal space” when you shake hands. In normal situations people will stand about two feet apart. As your relationship develops this distance will narrow.
• Regardless of your gender, make sure that your handshake is firm. This conveys the message that you are confident and that you are assertive.
• Start talking - say your name, for example - before you end your handshake.

Your handshake is your calling card. It reflects your personality. It is difficult to “fake.” It leaves a lasting impression of you.

What impression do you want to make? Learn to “speak” with your handshake.

“Practice doesn’t make perfect, nor is it supposed to. Practice is about increasing your repertoire of ways to recover from your mistakes.”

- Joan Gutin

Mistakes happen. And… they will continue to happen in the future. But… it is a huge mistake if we fail to learn from our mistakes. Especially in the way that we respond to our mistakes.

What can we anticipate? What is likely to occur? How will we respond when it does occur?

Have you thought about your response? Have you practiced your response? If not, why not?

Originally, I planned this post as a follow-up to my previous one - “Why do politicians fumble Q & A sessions?  But then, I thought about this in a broader sense. I am constantly amazed to observe the number of people who:

• Fail to anticipate sales objections - and to prepare their response.
• Fail to address risk factors for their projects - and lack a Plan “B” to go forward when they do occur.
• Fail to offer coaching and feedback to their staff - and wonder why they don’t achieve better results.

It is one thing to anticipate events and to prepare a plan to address to address them. It is quite another to actually practice the words that you will say during your response. To articulate them. To speak them aloud - and with confidence and conviction!

Words alone are insufficient in getting our message across. How we speak the words - our tone of voice - is the key to how our words are received and acted upon.

When I hear a politician - or any speaker - stumble over their words during a Q& A Session, I question their sincerity. I question their truthfullness. I question them.

Why? Because I get the feeling that they are “making it up as they go along.” That their response will be different the next time that they are asked this same question.

It is not what you say but, rather, how you say it that counts.

Let me give you an example. I am a musician. I can play a piece of music on the piano - hitting all of the correct notes. But, the performance will be flat and uninspired if I have not practiced - and internalized - my interpretaion of those notes. I need to practice not just hitting the correct notes, but also striking the right tone - for that piece and for my audience.

Speaking is no different. Sales is no different. Asking your staff to change is no different.

Learn how you can be different. Practice your responses!

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