Recently, I have been giving a lot of thought to two quotations:

“To acquire knowledge one must study; but to acquire wisdom one must observe.”

- Marilyn vos Savant

and…

“The reward for always listening when you’d rather be talking is wisdom.”

- Anonymous

In my experience, the wisest men and women that I have know always spent more time listening and observing. When they did speak… it was usually to ask a question … and they always listened to the response – completely.

They listened – not just to the words. They listened for one reason – to understand. And when they did not quite understand – they asked another question. And repeated this process until they did understand – completely.

When they asked me those questions – one after the other – I finally reached a level of understanding. I learned a lot more –  about myself. A lot more than I ever learned from a book or a class.

The greatest lesson I ever learned was to learn how to listen. I admit that I have yet to master this lesson. It requires time and dedication to do so. It requires discipline. It requires self-confidence.

Learning to listen requires me to ask questions about myself and my beliefs. And.. it requires me to listen to my responses. It requires me to observe my actions.

It pays off!

 It’s a wise course to pursue.

“Is it live? Or is it Memorex?”

Do you remember those “iconic” commercials from the early 70’s with Ella Fitzgerald? We would witness Ella’s “live” performance being recorded on to a Memorex cassette. When she hit a high note her voice actually shattered a Champagne flute. And then we would hear the playback from the cassette tape and – “miracle of miracles” – another glass would shatter!

With Memorex tapes there would be no loss in audio quality. Transfer your music from one physical medium – the vinyl LP record – to another physical medium – the Memorex audio tape. You would minimize audio degradation – the more you played your LP record the greater the loss in fidelity. And … you would minimize the “generational loss” from transferring the sound source from one medium to another.

Not to mention portability and accessibility – you could now listen to your Memorex cassettes in your car or in a portable audio player. And… the sound quality would be so good. “Is it Live? Or is it Memorex?”

I was reminded of these commercials when I read Pogue’s Posts: “Are Digital Orchestras a Sign of the Times?”in the NY Times. David Pogue is a terrific writer and this is a thoughtful article. This particular posting has received over 75 comments from readers so far. Click here to read the full article and comments from readers.

Are live musicians actually playing tonight? Or am I listening to a digital recording of a live musician? Often, it is nearly impossible to tell. Can you?

Let the debate rage on. And… at least on the NY Times website it is quite lively in response to David Pogue’s article.

Did audio cassettes cause the demise of the vinyl LP record? No. Did it help to change our listening habit? Definitely!

We can argue in a similar vein about how the Compact Disc changed both the music industry and our listening habits. Then on to how digital downloading music (both legally and illegally) have altered the sound-scape in our lives.

Do you prefer to listen to music at home or to attend a live performance? If you are like me, I enjoy both – each for different reasons.

Do you prefer having a DJ program the music at your event or do you engage a live band? That is your choice. There are pros and cons to accompany each decision. Take your pick.

As technology evolves so do we. Albeit, some more relutantly than others. Technology does not replace human effort. Technology enables humans to have more options. Technology allows us to develop that wich makes us human – the ability to make choices. Both rational and emotional. The choice is yours.

What are your thoughts on this topic. I invite you to take a few minutes to share your opinion in the space below.

“We are told that talent creates its own opportunities. But it sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents.”

- Eric Hoffer

Tom Peters has an interesting post on his blog -”Get To (Serious!!) Work … On Your Presentation Skills!”

He points out how one Seventeen Minute speech in 2004 catapulted Sen. Barack Obama’s career. Sen.. Obama delivered the Keynote Speech at the 2004 Democratic National attention and he “caught fire.”  He went from a virtually unknown young politician to becoming the presumptive Presidential nominee of his party in less than 4 years!

Fueled by his 17 minute speech!

In 1988 another relatively unknown politician first caught our eye when he delivered a (very long) nominating speech for Gov. Michael Dukakis. That was our first national notice of (then) Gov. Bill Clinton of Arkansas.

Yes, it is time to “Get Serious – really serious – about working on your presentation skills.” To quote from the Tom Peters article:

“Fact, in “our” more modest worlds: Poor or average or even “okay” presentation skills trip up or hold back an incredible number of very talented people at all levels, including the highest in big orgs—and yet it is rare to see someone launch a martial-arts-training-like, no-bull, I’m-gonna-master-this-or-die-trying offensive on presentation skill improvement.

Why not?”

Indeed! Why not? Why don’t you put more effort into improving your presentation skills? What is holding you back? Do you realize how much your “so-so” presentation skills are holding you back – from advancing in your career? Holding you back from getting what you really want in your life?

It’s not enough to say, “they are a naturally gifted speaker and I just am not.” That is just BS!

Talent, alone, does not guarantee success. It is the intense desire to work on fully developing our talents that determines our long-term success.

Will Sen. Obama’s desire to become President of the USA drive him to improve his natural speaking talents? He will need to improve his debating skills and to work on his responses to questions if he is to succeed.

I’ll be blogging about the presentation skills (or lack of skills) of our Presidential candidates up until the November election.  I will be interested to see which candidate shows the most desire to succeed.

Which candidate will really commit to fully developing his communications skills? Which candidate is is most interested in supercharging his career?

How many emails have you sent out this morning? At least 10?

How many people did you CC or BCC on your last email? Why did you choose to CC or BCC them?

If you had to pay 42 cents for each email – and 42 cents for each person you CC or BCC on your email - how many would you have sent?

A lot less I am sure! But think about this concept- before you click “Send.” Would you send this email if you had to pay a small fee in order to do so?

What is your email worth – not just to you – but to your recipient?

Email saves you time. Unsolicited email wastes the recipient’s time.

Email is efficient for conveying information. Unstructured email confuses the recipient.

Seth Godin has a wonderful list of 36 points to check before you send out your next email. Click here to read it. Print it out. Laminate it. Keep it in prominent spot next to your computer. Think about each point before you send out your next email.

If you take even one of these thirty points to heart, you will compose more effective emails. You will send out fewer emails. But those that you do send out will be read – and acted upon!

And that is what you want as a result – isn’t it? Would it be worth an investment of 42 cents? Think about this before you click “Send.” Can you imagine your recipient saying ”Thank you?”

If not, re-think your eamil message. And reconsider including each person that you copy the email to.

Please share your email tips and stories with our readers. Add your comments below.

Don’t point your finger at me! I don’t like it. I especially don’t like it when you “wiggle”your finger” in my face.

Most people share my feelings. Who likes to be publicly scolded?

Why do I  – and others – have such a strong reaction to this gesture? According to Carol Kinsey Goman in “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets of Body Language at Work,”

“… I’ve often seen politicians and executives use this gesture in meetings, negotiations, or interviews for emphasis or to show dominance. The problem is that rather than being a sign of authority, aggressive finger pointing (with one or four fingers) suggests that the person is losing control of the situation, and it smacks of playground bullying.”

• Losing control of the situation
• Smacks of playground bullying

These are hardly signs of strength and authority! Certainly not what the speaker intended. What about the “finger-pointer-in-chief” – former President Bill Clinton? What is he actually communicating, non-verbally – when he wags his index finger at a reporter or at someone in the audience?

That he is losing control of the situation. That he is trying to be overly aggressive; trying to intimidate; trying to regain control of a situation that is quickly deteriorating.

It is not a gesture of strength. And… once we realize what this nonverbal communication is really telling us, how do we feel about the speaker who is wagging their finger at us?

Well, what did the playground bully do once you called him or her on their actions? They immediately backed down. They demonstrated that they had lost control and that they never had the power to intimidate you.

Unfortunately, most of us never call a “powerful” politician or business executive on their actions. Why not? Perhaps this is because (unfortunately) few of us ever called a schoolyard bully on their actions.

We may suspect that this is just a “fit of anger.” That is just an “act.”

It is an act – an act of desperation!

Once we understand and learn to correctly interpret a person’s “body language” we can turn this “acting” to our advantage. We can gain leverage during our negotiations. We can gain the “nonverbal advantage!”

Of course, we must look at the context of the gesture. An isolated instance of finger pointing does not signal “losing control.” However, combined with a flushed face and an elevation in the pitch of the voice and the use of deliberate language… Now that is telling us something about the “finger pointer.” It is quite revealling about their real feelings. About their loss of control. About their bullying behavior.

Certainly, he is not the only “finger-pointer,” but why doesn’t former President Clinton take steps to minimize his finger-pointing?  Why doesn’t one of his close aides or family members “point this out” to him? (Pun intended!)

Why do playground bullies persist? Why do business executives seem to get away with this kind of behavior? Why do so many parents lose control of a situation when talking with their children?

Why?

Now that you have gained some insight into how to interpret this angry gesture, will you react differently the next time?

Maybe yes. Maybe no. Even if you do not react differently – by calling them on their finger pointing, at least you now know that “finger pointing” is just a mask for someone losing control of the situation. Someone who is possibly hiding something. Someone who is afraid.  If you react properly, you can turn this to your advantage. You can gain the upper hand – not just the fingers!

To read a related article that I published on this subject, click here.

Please share your comments about “finger pointing” with our readers. Add your comments below.

“The wrong words said at the wrong time discourage me.
The wrong words said at the right time frustrate me.
The right words said at the wrong time confuse me.
The right words said at the right time encourage me.”

- John C. Maxwell

Think about these words for a few minutes. Think about the times when a few well chosen words, spoken at just the right moment, helped you to …

• gain the strength and confidence you needed to accomplish more than you thought possible.
• take comfort in the love and care of your friends and family to help you recover from a setback or loss.
• gather the courage to make a major change in your career.

Yes, words have incredible power. And they gain even more power when the right words are said at the right time. And to the right person.

But the wrong words, said at the wrong time… they can be devastating. They can …

• damage your self-confidence.
• dampen your enthusiasm.
• deter you from moving forward in your job or your career … or your life.

The wrong words, said at the wrong time … Why would anyone choose to utter the wrong words – regardless of the time?

You wouldn’t choose to … unless you were malicious, vindictive or intent on inflicting pain. The operative word is choose.

It is your choice. Do you want to lift people up or put them down? Do you want to prepare your word choices – in advance? Or are you content to just say something – and hope for the best?

Think about what you are going to say – long before you ever have the opportunity to say it. Choose your words carefully. Practice saying them – aloud. Practice saying them over and over again – until you have internalized them. So that your words are sincere. So that the words are yours. So that how you speak the right words at the right time makes an impact – on the right person.

Not sure about which words are the right words? Just think about the words that people say to you. How do they make you feel? Be honest with yourself. Which words and phrases lift you up? And why do they do that?

Now, think about those words and phrases that deflate you. Why did they do that? How did they make you feel? What word choices could have been substituted? How would those word choices have made you feel better? Why?

Are you are taking the time to choose your words carefully? If not, why not? Think about the difference a word can make the next time that you deliver a employee performance evaluation. Better still, reflect upon the words your boss used when he or she last reviewed your performance. How did you react? Why? What would you have preferred them to say?

Choice words. Choose yours correctly. You always have a choice. Words do make a difference – over time!

Please take a few minutes to share your experiences with words and phrases. Which words motivated you? Tell us about those words said at the right time. Enter your comments in the space below. Thank you!

What does your handshake say about you? How do your clients and colleagues react to your handshake? Do you give your colleague the same handshake that you extend to a new client? If not, why not? How do you react when someone gives you a “dead fish” handshake? Cold and clammy, I’ll bet!

Want to know more about the “dos and don’ts” of handshaking? Click here to view a slide show of handshaking examples – good and bad –  on the Business Week Magazine website.

How many times a day do you shake a person’s hand? So many times that you probably don’t even think about it.

But you should think about it. Not about the number. You need to examine how your personal handshaking style. You need to be sure that you convey a positive message when you “speak” with your handshake.

Here is why:

“New research by University of Iowa business professor Greg Stewart confirms that a firm, solid handshake is an important part of a successful job interview, while a dead fish can end the interview before it even begins.

More important, in fact, than dress or physical appearance, the handshake seems to be a trigger that sets off an interviewer’s overall impression of a person.”

I encourage you to look at the handshaking examples in the Business Week slide show. Here are a few tips:

• Both men and women should be proactive – don’t wait for someone to shake your hand. Extend your hand first.
• Ensure that your handshake is firm – not strong – and that you make full-palm contact. The web of your hand touches the web of the other person’s hand.
• Always make eye contact with the other person when you are shaking hands. This means that you must stand up to greet the other person when you shake hands.
• Smile when you shake hands.
• Always keep your right hand available to shake hands.
• Be aware of “personal space” when you shake hands. In normal situations people will stand about two feet apart. As your relationship develops this distance will narrow.
• Regardless of your gender, make sure that your handshake is firm. This conveys the message that you are confident and that you are assertive.
• Start talking – say your name, for example – before you end your handshake.

Your handshake is your calling card. It reflects your personality. It is difficult to “fake.” It leaves a lasting impression of you.

What impression do you want to make? Learn to “speak” with your handshake.

“Practice doesn’t make perfect, nor is it supposed to. Practice is about increasing your repertoire of ways to recover from your mistakes.”

- Joan Gutin

Mistakes happen. And… they will continue to happen in the future. But… it is a huge mistake if we fail to learn from our mistakes. Especially in the way that we respond to our mistakes.

What can we anticipate? What is likely to occur? How will we respond when it does occur?

Have you thought about your response? Have you practiced your response? If not, why not?

Originally, I planned this post as a follow-up to my previous one – “Why do politicians fumble Q & A sessions?  But then, I thought about this in a broader sense. I am constantly amazed to observe the number of people who:

• Fail to anticipate sales objections – and to prepare their response.
• Fail to address risk factors for their projects – and lack a Plan “B” to go forward when they do occur.
• Fail to offer coaching and feedback to their staff – and wonder why they don’t achieve better results.

It is one thing to anticipate events and to prepare a plan to address to address them. It is quite another to actually practice the words that you will say during your response. To articulate them. To speak them aloud – and with confidence and conviction!

Words alone are insufficient in getting our message across. How we speak the words – our tone of voice – is the key to how our words are received and acted upon.

When I hear a politician – or any speaker – stumble over their words during a Q& A Session, I question their sincerity. I question their truthfullness. I question them.

Why? Because I get the feeling that they are “making it up as they go along.” That their response will be different the next time that they are asked this same question.

It is not what you say but, rather, how you say it that counts.

Let me give you an example. I am a musician. I can play a piece of music on the piano – hitting all of the correct notes. But, the performance will be flat and uninspired if I have not practiced – and internalized – my interpretaion of those notes. I need to practice not just hitting the correct notes, but also striking the right tone – for that piece and for my audience.

Speaking is no different. Sales is no different. Asking your staff to change is no different.

Learn how you can be different. Practice your responses!

Related Articles

“It talke a lot of practice to become a natural speaker”

Senator Hillary Clinton does it. Senator Barack Obama does it. Many people – not just politicians – do it.

What do they do? They stumble and fumble their answers during debates and Question & Answer (Q & A) sessions.

Why? Well, one easy answer is that they fail to make time to:

1. Anticipate the questions that they will be asked.
2. Formulate their answers to these questions – especially the “sticky” ones – the ones that will be repeatedly played on the 24-hour cable news stations and on the Social Media internet channels.
3. Practice their answers – articulate them – speak them – master them – comunicate them.

As I write this, I have been packing my suitcase and listening to MSNBC repeatedly replaying Sen. Clinton’s crude, clumsy, possibly inflammatory response, ina USA Today interview, as to why she appeals to a broad-based coalition of voters. I lost count of the number of “Ahs,” “Ers,” and “Uhs” in her response.  (Click here to read the interview and also access the audio portion.) Why? Is this the image she really wants to project?

And, Sen. Obama also deserves criticism – why doesn’t he put more time into preparing for his debate performance? Why does he come across as “defensive” or “offended” when he is questioned about his core beliefs? Why does he find it so difficult to articulate his response to difficult questions? (Click here for a linkto an excellent video analysis of Sen. Obama’s weak spots during questioning.)

Surely, Sen. Obama knows that these questions are coming. Why doesn’t he put more time into preparing for them?

Surely, Sen. Clinton must know that her answers will be replayed constantly on TV, on YouTube, on the radio. Why doesn’t she put more time into crafting her response?

Why do they continue to fumble and stumble with their answers during Q & A?

It makes me uncomfortable when I listen to their answers. I have to turn away from the “train-wreck” that is about to occur during the debates – I see their blank stares forming, I feel their cold sweat soaking their shirts and blouses… Why? Why? Why?

Why do they make me feel so uncomfortable during their Q & A sessions? Why do I doubt what they say? Why do I question their core beliefs?

Which candidate am I to believe? The candidate who masterfully delivers their stump speech? Or the candidate who appears completely lost and confused when answering a direct question?

It’s the stumbling and fumbling that they go through trying to get the words out that causes me to feel so uncomfortable. And… I do not think that I am the only one who feels this way. How do you react?

Why don’t their trusted advisors take them aside and say, “Senator, it is time to prepare your responses. It’s time to rehearse. It’s time to practice voicing your answers- forming the words and speaking them out loud.”

Don’t fall into this trap! 

• Anticipate the questions that you expect to be asked; especially the difficult ones!
• Gather your thoughts and formulate your response. Put it in writing first if necessary.
• Practice articulating your response. Say the words – speak them aloud. Record your response if at all possible.
• Ensure that you have reserved enough time for these practice sessions.
• Work with a speech coach or a trusted advisor.

Q & A usually comes at the end of a presentation. Make your last impression a favorable one. You never get a second chance to re-do your LAST impression. Make your LAST impression a positive, LASTING impression!

“The key to success is to get out into the store and listen to what the associates have to say. It’s terribly important for everyone to get involved. Our best ideas come from clerks and stock boys.”

- Sam Walton

Carmine Gallo wrote an article for Business Week Magazine last month that is required reading for any manager:

“A Simple Employee Incentive”: Taking the time to give people your undivided attention can do more for retention and engagement than gift cards and other goodies.

I frequently hear business leaders say, “We listen to our customers. That is the key to our success.”

I rarely hear business leaders say, “We listen to our employees. We actively seek out and listen to their opinions.”

As a manager, do you maintain an “open door policy?” Most managers do. But what do you do when your staff pass through your open door?

• Do you look up briefly, ask them what is on their mind and then … continue to read your e-mail?
• Do you act annoyed that they just “dropped by” to talk?
• Do you really care about what they have to say? If you don’t then why say, “My door is always open.”?

Here is a brief excerpt from Carmine Gallo’s article:

“When you’re face to face with a colleague, employee, or customer, and you check text messages or Blackberry e-mail, you’re communicating something—you are telling that person that whoever is on the other end of the message is the most important person in that conversation.

In your next conversation with one of your employees, try speaking as if he or she is the most important person in the room at the moment. Look him in the eye, avoid interruptions, ignore gadgets, and ask questions about his interests. It’s the simplest, least expensive, and most effective incentive available.”

Take Carmine’s advice to heart. Better yet… put it into practice today! Don’t tell people that you care… show them that you care about them. Give them your full, undivided attention. Respect is the best incentive.