How many emails have you sent out this morning? At least 10?

How many people did you CC or BCC on your last email? Why did you choose to CC or BCC them?

If you had to pay 42 cents for each email - and 42 cents for each person you CC or BCC on your email - how many would you have sent?

A lot less I am sure! But think about this concept- before you click “Send.” Would you send this email if you had to pay a small fee in order to do so?

What is your email worth - not just to you - but to your recipient?

Email saves you time. Unsolicited email wastes the recipient’s time.

Email is efficient for conveying information. Unstructured email confuses the recipient.

Seth Godin has a wonderful list of 36 points to check before you send out your next email. Click here to read it. Print it out. Laminate it. Keep it in prominent spot next to your computer. Think about each point before you send out your next email.

If you take even one of these thirty points to heart, you will compose more effective emails. You will send out fewer emails. But those that you do send out will be read - and acted upon!

And that is what you want as a result - isn’t it? Would it be worth an investment of 42 cents? Think about this before you click “Send.” Can you imagine your recipient saying ”Thank you?”

If not, re-think your eamil message. And reconsider including each person that you copy the email to.

Please share your email tips and stories with our readers. Add your comments below.

Don’t point your finger at me! I don’t like it. I especially don’t like it when you “wiggle”your finger” in my face.

Most people share my feelings. Who likes to be publicly scolded?

Why do I  - and others - have such a strong reaction to this gesture? According to Carol Kinsey Goman in “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets of Body Language at Work,”

“… I’ve often seen politicians and executives use this gesture in meetings, negotiations, or interviews for emphasis or to show dominance. The problem is that rather than being a sign of authority, aggressive finger pointing (with one or four fingers) suggests that the person is losing control of the situation, and it smacks of playground bullying.”

• Losing control of the situation
• Smacks of playground bullying

These are hardly signs of strength and authority! Certainly not what the speaker intended. What about the “finger-pointer-in-chief” - former President Bill Clinton? What is he actually communicating, non-verbally - when he wags his index finger at a reporter or at someone in the audience?

That he is losing control of the situation. That he is trying to be overly aggressive; trying to intimidate; trying to regain control of a situation that is quickly deteriorating.

It is not a gesture of strength. And… once we realize what this nonverbal communication is really telling us, how do we feel about the speaker who is wagging their finger at us?

Well, what did the playground bully do once you called him or her on their actions? They immediately backed down. They demonstrated that they had lost control and that they never had the power to intimidate you.

Unfortunately, most of us never call a “powerful” politician or business executive on their actions. Why not? Perhaps this is because (unfortunately) few of us ever called a schoolyard bully on their actions.

We may suspect that this is just a “fit of anger.” That is just an “act.”

It is an act - an act of desperation!

Once we understand and learn to correctly interpret a person’s “body language” we can turn this “acting” to our advantage. We can gain leverage during our negotiations. We can gain the “nonverbal advantage!”

Of course, we must look at the context of the gesture. An isolated instance of finger pointing does not signal “losing control.” However, combined with a flushed face and an elevation in the pitch of the voice and the use of deliberate language… Now that is telling us something about the “finger pointer.” It is quite revealling about their real feelings. About their loss of control. About their bullying behavior.

Certainly, he is not the only “finger-pointer,” but why doesn’t former President Clinton take steps to minimize his finger-pointing?  Why doesn’t one of his close aides or family members “point this out” to him? (Pun intended!)

Why do playground bullies persist? Why do business executives seem to get away with this kind of behavior? Why do so many parents lose control of a situation when talking with their children?

Why?

Now that you have gained some insight into how to interpret this angry gesture, will you react differently the next time?

Maybe yes. Maybe no. Even if you do not react differently - by calling them on their finger pointing, at least you now know that “finger pointing” is just a mask for someone losing control of the situation. Someone who is possibly hiding something. Someone who is afraid.  If you react properly, you can turn this to your advantage. You can gain the upper hand - not just the fingers!

To read a related article that I published on this subject, click here.

Please share your comments about “finger pointing” with our readers. Add your comments below.

“The wrong words said at the wrong time discourage me.
The wrong words said at the right time frustrate me.
The right words said at the wrong time confuse me.
The right words said at the right time encourage me.”

- John C. Maxwell

Think about these words for a few minutes. Think about the times when a few well chosen words, spoken at just the right moment, helped you to …

• gain the strength and confidence you needed to accomplish more than you thought possible.
• take comfort in the love and care of your friends and family to help you recover from a setback or loss.
• gather the courage to make a major change in your career.

Yes, words have incredible power. And they gain even more power when the right words are said at the right time. And to the right person.

But the wrong words, said at the wrong time… they can be devastating. They can …

• damage your self-confidence.
• dampen your enthusiasm.
• deter you from moving forward in your job or your career … or your life.

The wrong words, said at the wrong time … Why would anyone choose to utter the wrong words - regardless of the time?

You wouldn’t choose to … unless you were malicious, vindictive or intent on inflicting pain. The operative word is choose.

It is your choice. Do you want to lift people up or put them down? Do you want to prepare your word choices - in advance? Or are you content to just say something - and hope for the best?

Think about what you are going to say - long before you ever have the opportunity to say it. Choose your words carefully. Practice saying them - aloud. Practice saying them over and over again - until you have internalized them. So that your words are sincere. So that the words are yours. So that how you speak the right words at the right time makes an impact - on the right person.

Not sure about which words are the right words? Just think about the words that people say to you. How do they make you feel? Be honest with yourself. Which words and phrases lift you up? And why do they do that?

Now, think about those words and phrases that deflate you. Why did they do that? How did they make you feel? What word choices could have been substituted? How would those word choices have made you feel better? Why?

Are you are taking the time to choose your words carefully? If not, why not? Think about the difference a word can make the next time that you deliver a employee performance evaluation. Better still, reflect upon the words your boss used when he or she last reviewed your performance. How did you react? Why? What would you have preferred them to say?

Choice words. Choose yours correctly. You always have a choice. Words do make a difference - over time!

Please take a few minutes to share your experiences with words and phrases. Which words motivated you? Tell us about those words said at the right time. Enter your comments in the space below. Thank you!

What does your handshake say about you? How do your clients and colleagues react to your handshake? Do you give your colleague the same handshake that you extend to a new client? If not, why not? How do you react when someone gives you a “dead fish” handshake? Cold and clammy, I’ll bet!

Want to know more about the “dos and don’ts” of handshaking? Click here to view a slide show of handshaking examples - good and bad -  on the Business Week Magazine website.

How many times a day do you shake a person’s hand? So many times that you probably don’t even think about it.

But you should think about it. Not about the number. You need to examine how your personal handshaking style. You need to be sure that you convey a positive message when you “speak” with your handshake.

Here is why:

“New research by University of Iowa business professor Greg Stewart confirms that a firm, solid handshake is an important part of a successful job interview, while a dead fish can end the interview before it even begins.

More important, in fact, than dress or physical appearance, the handshake seems to be a trigger that sets off an interviewer’s overall impression of a person.”

I encourage you to look at the handshaking examples in the Business Week slide show. Here are a few tips:

• Both men and women should be proactive - don’t wait for someone to shake your hand. Extend your hand first.
• Ensure that your handshake is firm - not strong - and that you make full-palm contact. The web of your hand touches the web of the other person’s hand.
• Always make eye contact with the other person when you are shaking hands. This means that you must stand up to greet the other person when you shake hands.
• Smile when you shake hands.
• Always keep your right hand available to shake hands.
• Be aware of “personal space” when you shake hands. In normal situations people will stand about two feet apart. As your relationship develops this distance will narrow.
• Regardless of your gender, make sure that your handshake is firm. This conveys the message that you are confident and that you are assertive.
• Start talking - say your name, for example - before you end your handshake.

Your handshake is your calling card. It reflects your personality. It is difficult to “fake.” It leaves a lasting impression of you.

What impression do you want to make? Learn to “speak” with your handshake.

“Practice doesn’t make perfect, nor is it supposed to. Practice is about increasing your repertoire of ways to recover from your mistakes.”

- Joan Gutin

Mistakes happen. And… they will continue to happen in the future. But… it is a huge mistake if we fail to learn from our mistakes. Especially in the way that we respond to our mistakes.

What can we anticipate? What is likely to occur? How will we respond when it does occur?

Have you thought about your response? Have you practiced your response? If not, why not?

Originally, I planned this post as a follow-up to my previous one - “Why do politicians fumble Q & A sessions?  But then, I thought about this in a broader sense. I am constantly amazed to observe the number of people who:

• Fail to anticipate sales objections - and to prepare their response.
• Fail to address risk factors for their projects - and lack a Plan “B” to go forward when they do occur.
• Fail to offer coaching and feedback to their staff - and wonder why they don’t achieve better results.

It is one thing to anticipate events and to prepare a plan to address to address them. It is quite another to actually practice the words that you will say during your response. To articulate them. To speak them aloud - and with confidence and conviction!

Words alone are insufficient in getting our message across. How we speak the words - our tone of voice - is the key to how our words are received and acted upon.

When I hear a politician - or any speaker - stumble over their words during a Q& A Session, I question their sincerity. I question their truthfullness. I question them.

Why? Because I get the feeling that they are “making it up as they go along.” That their response will be different the next time that they are asked this same question.

It is not what you say but, rather, how you say it that counts.

Let me give you an example. I am a musician. I can play a piece of music on the piano - hitting all of the correct notes. But, the performance will be flat and uninspired if I have not practiced - and internalized - my interpretaion of those notes. I need to practice not just hitting the correct notes, but also striking the right tone - for that piece and for my audience.

Speaking is no different. Sales is no different. Asking your staff to change is no different.

Learn how you can be different. Practice your responses!

Related Articles

“It talke a lot of practice to become a natural speaker”

Senator Hillary Clinton does it. Senator Barack Obama does it. Many people - not just politicians - do it.

What do they do? They stumble and fumble their answers during debates and Question & Answer (Q & A) sessions.

Why? Well, one easy answer is that they fail to make time to:

1. Anticipate the questions that they will be asked.
2. Formulate their answers to these questions - especially the “sticky” ones - the ones that will be repeatedly played on the 24-hour cable news stations and on the Social Media internet channels.
3. Practice their answers - articulate them - speak them - master them - comunicate them.

As I write this, I have been packing my suitcase and listening to MSNBC repeatedly replaying Sen. Clinton’s crude, clumsy, possibly inflammatory response, ina USA Today interview, as to why she appeals to a broad-based coalition of voters. I lost count of the number of “Ahs,” “Ers,” and “Uhs” in her response.  (Click here to read the interview and also access the audio portion.) Why? Is this the image she really wants to project?

And, Sen. Obama also deserves criticism - why doesn’t he put more time into preparing for his debate performance? Why does he come across as “defensive” or “offended” when he is questioned about his core beliefs? Why does he find it so difficult to articulate his response to difficult questions? (Click here for a linkto an excellent video analysis of Sen. Obama’s weak spots during questioning.)

Surely, Sen. Obama knows that these questions are coming. Why doesn’t he put more time into preparing for them?

Surely, Sen. Clinton must know that her answers will be replayed constantly on TV, on YouTube, on the radio. Why doesn’t she put more time into crafting her response?

Why do they continue to fumble and stumble with their answers during Q & A?

It makes me uncomfortable when I listen to their answers. I have to turn away from the “train-wreck” that is about to occur during the debates - I see their blank stares forming, I feel their cold sweat soaking their shirts and blouses… Why? Why? Why?

Why do they make me feel so uncomfortable during their Q & A sessions? Why do I doubt what they say? Why do I question their core beliefs?

Which candidate am I to believe? The candidate who masterfully delivers their stump speech? Or the candidate who appears completely lost and confused when answering a direct question?

It’s the stumbling and fumbling that they go through trying to get the words out that causes me to feel so uncomfortable. And… I do not think that I am the only one who feels this way. How do you react?

Why don’t their trusted advisors take them aside and say, “Senator, it is time to prepare your responses. It’s time to rehearse. It’s time to practice voicing your answers- forming the words and speaking them out loud.”

Don’t fall into this trap! 

• Anticipate the questions that you expect to be asked; especially the difficult ones!
• Gather your thoughts and formulate your response. Put it in writing first if necessary.
• Practice articulating your response. Say the words - speak them aloud. Record your response if at all possible.
• Ensure that you have reserved enough time for these practice sessions.
• Work with a speech coach or a trusted advisor.

Q & A usually comes at the end of a presentation. Make your last impression a favorable one. You never get a second chance to re-do your LAST impression. Make your LAST impression a positive, LASTING impression!

“The key to success is to get out into the store and listen to what the associates have to say. It’s terribly important for everyone to get involved. Our best ideas come from clerks and stock boys.”

- Sam Walton

Carmine Gallo wrote an article for Business Week Magazine last month that is required reading for any manager:

“A Simple Employee Incentive”: Taking the time to give people your undivided attention can do more for retention and engagement than gift cards and other goodies.

I frequently hear business leaders say, “We listen to our customers. That is the key to our success.”

I rarely hear business leaders say, “We listen to our employees. We actively seek out and listen to their opinions.”

As a manager, do you maintain an “open door policy?” Most managers do. But what do you do when your staff pass through your open door?

• Do you look up briefly, ask them what is on their mind and then … continue to read your e-mail?
• Do you act annoyed that they just “dropped by” to talk?
• Do you really care about what they have to say? If you don’t then why say, “My door is always open.”?

Here is a brief excerpt from Carmine Gallo’s article:

“When you’re face to face with a colleague, employee, or customer, and you check text messages or Blackberry e-mail, you’re communicating something—you are telling that person that whoever is on the other end of the message is the most important person in that conversation.

In your next conversation with one of your employees, try speaking as if he or she is the most important person in the room at the moment. Look him in the eye, avoid interruptions, ignore gadgets, and ask questions about his interests. It’s the simplest, least expensive, and most effective incentive available.”

Take Carmine’s advice to heart. Better yet… put it into practice today! Don’t tell people that you care… show them that you care about them. Give them your full, undivided attention. Respect is the best incentive.

“Judge others by their questions rather than by their answers.”

- Voltaire

I found the perfect sequel to my previous post (”The difference between what and how”)  I found it on Chris Garrett’s blog. His article is titled,  “Who, What and So What?” Read it - you will be glad that you did so.

Here is a short excerpt from Chris’ article:

“When you are writing, what is your first thought?

If it is what you are going to write, I expect that would put you in with the majority.

“Who for” is perhaps a more important part of the equation. Connecting to your audience, bringing them something value, means addressing who they are.

A much overlooked aspect though is “So What?”. What should the reader take away? Where is the benefit? Why should we listen to you?”

Great advice! And not just for bloggers. Why?

• Do you sell a product or service? Does your prospective client clearly see the “So what’s in it for me?”
• Are you a manager? Do you delegate tasks? Does your staff clearly see the “So what’s in it for me?”
• Do you send out e-mail messages? Does your audience clearly see the “So what’s in it for me?”

If you are not getting the results that you hoped for, go back and review your message. Re-read it from your audience’s perspective. Do you make it easy for them to see the “So what’s in it for me?”

If your answer is “No,” then it is time for you to revisit what you write and how you phrase it or say it.

Peter Drucker reminds us that:

“It is the recipient who communicates… Unless there is someone who hears, there is no communication. There is only noise.”

People see, hear and act through the filter of “What’s in it for me.”

It does not matter what you want or what you write or what you say. That is not enough to get your audience to see, hear or act on your suggestions.

It does not matter who you are. Do you connect with your audience? Do they see themselves in the picture that you are painting with the words that you write; the words that you speak?

Give your audience the answer to the question, “So what?” Why? Because it does matter - to them!

“Everyone who’s ever taken a shower has had an idea. It’s the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.”

- Nolan Bushnell

I attended a conference last week and a number of people asked me the same question, “How do you find the time to post a new article on your blog each day?” Even some members of the trade press asked me this question.

The simple answer is, I schedule the time to write the articles. You can never “find the time” to do something. If you really want to get it done you must schedule it.

For example, If you say, “Let’s get together soon,” you will never get together except by accident. You will not “find the time” to do so. You must say, “I would like to have lunch with you next week. Do you prefer Tuesday or Thursday?”

There is an old saying:

“If you need to get a job completed, give it to the busiest person that you know.”

There is also a corollary saying: ”

Your most productive day at work is the day prior to your vacation. You make more decisions. You delegate more tasks. You leave your office with a clean desktop.”

Patsi Krakoff  of “The Blog Squad” has a terrific article on this topic - “Blog Writing: How to find the time…”I recommend that you read it, even if you do not write a blog. Patsi explains why we are attracted to activities that give us an immediate response. And why we delay activities, such as writing a blog, that do not offer the same immediate gratification. Here is a short excerpt:

“I don’t think time is really the issue. It’s seeing results. You don’t have to “find the time” for something that’s important for business. You certainly find time to deposit checks into your bank account, so why would you wait to post “when you have time?”

I realize that maintaining a daily regimen of posting on my blog is important to my business as a speaker, trainer and consultant. Because I place a high priority on delivering relevant content on a daily basis, I schedule the time to research and write my articles. I am successful at doing so - for the most part. I do not always have enough material planned in advance for those days when “stuff” intrudes on my life. But I am learning to make improvements there.

I picked up several good ideas last week at the conference. But if I am going to take action on these ideas, I must schedule the time to beging to implement them.  As Nolan Bushnell said, I must be “the person who gets out of the shower, dries himself and does something about it who makes a difference.”

“The customer only wants two things - show me you care about me personally, and tell me what you’re going to do for me now.”

- Jeffrey Gitomer

I recently discovered Chris Garrett’s Blog - “The Business of Blogging and New Media.” His recent post, “Engaging Readers,” could just as easily been titled “Engaging Customers.” And the same principles apply whether you are writing a blog or operating a retail business.

So, by adapting Chris Garrett’s article, here are 10 solid tips for engaging your customers:

1. Motivation - When you clearly understand what each of your customers want, they will eagerly buy what they need.
2. Attraction - Engage you customers on as many levels as possible: how your store looks, feels, smells. What “vibe” do you generate. How “open” is your store. Are your customers magnetically drawn to visit your store or website?
3. Incentive - As Jeffrey Gitomer says, your customers want you to “tell me what you are going to do for me now.”As in an “internet-minute!”
4. Encouragement - Ask questions that encourage your customers to talk about the thing they love the most - to talk about themselves. To talk about what they need. To talk about what they want.
5. Interaction - Remember - you, too,  love to talk about yourself and your products. Don’t do this! Involve your customers - see point #3.
6. Value - How much value do your customers receive from your business? Remember, your customer defines what is valuable - to them! Ask them. What do they find to be most valuable? Least valuable? You may be surprised.
7. Community - People do want to be connected with others who share their interests and values. What are you doing to encourage this connection. What events  or social gatherings have you scheduled for your store? What are you doing to reach out to the larger community?
8. Loyalty - Read Jeffrey Gitomer’s book, “Customer Satisfaction is Worthless; Customer Loyalty is Priceless.”
9. Connection - Do a self-assessment. Do you still love what you are doing? If not, it will be difficult to be “present” for your customers. How “visible” are you to your customers? Are you interested in your customers? or … merely interested in your customer’s business? Do you show them that you care about them personally?
10. Experience - View your business from your customer’s point of view. How easy is it to do business in your store? How friendly is your staff? How well do you exceed your customers’ expectations?

OK - whether it is your blog or your business, remember:

A blog without readers, isn’t.

A business without customers, isn’t.

Engage your readers. Talk with them, not at them.

Engage your customers. Show them that you care about them personally. Make it clear what you are going to do for them now!